Surrender
by lexie2
Summary: Entry for the October 09- Naughty-Seduction Challenge #5- Abandon


**TITLE:** "Surrender"

**CHALLENGE:** October ´09- NS Fanfic Challenge #5- "Abandon"

**AUTHOR:** Lexie

**RATING:** PG

**PAIRING:** Chlex

_I surrender the fight, the fight against myself_

_I surrender the fight to be someone_

_The fight to be important_

It seems it was only yesterday when she dreamt of carving her own niche in the world of journalism. Now it feels as if her urge to be someone important in the eyes of the one person for whom she´s sacrificed it all has deserted her somehow. She can´t pinpoint the moment everything changed; and now she´s standing on the fringes observing from the lonely anonymity of her Watchtower- invisible and yet all-powerful. She gives in to the cankering worm that´s been lurking inside her and, with a few clicks of her mouse, she moves the pawns on her chessboard.

_I surrender the fight to control my life_

_The fight to control other people_

He´s back in the saddle after more than a year away from the helm of his empire. Nobody knows he´s in town, not even the woman who´s been in charge during his absence and dared betray him like everyone else in his twenty-eight years. He was forced to surrender the control of his life and it all went to hell. He´s now determined to get it back- if only to enjoy the transitory illusion that he´s the master of his own destiny.

Standing in front of the panoramic window of his office, he surveys the Metropolis skyline wondering how long he´ll be able to rein in his old urge to behave like the puppet master he once swore he´d never be. He knows he should learn from past mistakes. The slight limp and the inhaler in the pocket of his jacket remind him what cost he´s had to pay in his attempt to control Kal-El´s life and the future of the entire human race.

_To my dreams_

_To my nightmares_

_To the fears I feel_

The Luthor blood in him rebels because surrender has never been part of his lexicon and yet, he´s been offered another chance and the young boy he thought he´d smothered in the fire of his study is struggling to make himself heard again. Lex wonders if it´d be worth it, if he hasn´t already descended too deep to dare imagine redemption could be possible.

_To tears in private_

_To tears in public_

_What others think of me_

She turns off the computer and her eyes fall once again on the invitation she´s been considering throwing in the bin for a week. She fights against the hurt she sworn she left behind and feels the treacherous tears well up in her eyes- tears she was convinced she wouldn´t shed again. She wipes them away, hating herself for momentarily giving in to her old insecurities. Maybe it´s time she faced the world again and showed she doesn´t care someone else´s living her dreams.

_I surrender to trying to understand_

_And just accept_

_I surrender the need_

_To be understood and accepted_

He´s always been aware of the silences and the stares that follow him wherever he goes. The surprised gasps and then the deadly quiet that accompany his entrance to the reception room doesn´t faze him. There was a time when he cared what people thought of him, when he yearned to be loved and accepted. Now he knows there are some things that might never be. He is who he is and nothing he´ll do or say will change that.

_I surrender to my instinct_

_I surrender to my mind_

_To my madness_

_To my insight_

He grabs a flute from a passing tray and scans the crowd gathered to honour the two star reporters of The Planet- his very own newspaper. He smiles smugly when he sees the look of utter disbelief and- is it disgust?- on their faces. He knows what it must feel like to be suddenly stolen the spotlight; he´s been left alone in the shadows too many times in favour of the farm boy by his own flesh and blood not to know it. He lets go and savours it.

_I surrender my anger_

_My resentment_

_I surrender to pretending I don't have it_

She looks at them basking in their new-found love and their triumph and realises she´s been a hypocrite to believe she doesn´t care it isn´t her standing there. She knows what she´s feeling isn´t healthy and she hates it, but she just has to make herself face it to accept that this is who she is now- maybe this is who she´s meant to be all the time.

And then she sees Lex, and their looks lock across the room. There´s a glint in his eye and she knows he knows who she is now because he´s helped shape her; and she no longer cares.

_I succumb to the flow_

The ride to the top floor of LuthorCorp Plaza is made in complete silence. A silence which stretches into the penthouse and that´s only broken by her moans and his uncharacteristic breathlessness when their lips fuse in a battle of kisses as they abandon themselves to that unresolved sexual tension that´s always sizzled between them.

_I surrender to the dark_

_and the emptiness it brings_

_To scabs, to healing_

He tastes the copper of blood on their lips and then his breath hitches on feeling the warmth of her tongue laving the small cut in his upper lip before she leans forward to start another heady kiss. He knows she might not be here if it weren´t the night it is and yet, he doesn´t want to overanalyse it. She´s in his arms at last and that´s all that matters to him now.

The moment she opens to him, she experiences a sudden urge to look away. The world of feelings reflected in his intense blue-grey eyes is suddenly too much. He fills her and she succumbs. Green clashes with blue. She surrenders, and he lets himself believe.

_I surrender to find peace._

_I surrender to find freedom_

_I surrender to this moment _

**THE END**

**A/N:** I´d like to thank Jill Rey and her poem "I Surrender" for the inspiration.


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